Fifth Course
A cold soufflé glacé (although it is served in a soufflé dish, it's actually ice cream baked with an almond paste). It comes accompanied by a coulis of raspberries, strawberries, or peaches. How to eat it: A dessert spoon will be on your right, a dessert fork on your left. You'll want to use primarily your spoon, which you'll hold in your right hand. Note, too, that almost no one has coffee with dessert. You request it either before or after you've eaten the complete meal. The same goes for fruit juice or soda. With lunch or dinner, you drink only wine or water.

Dinner Party Rules

1. Don't arrive exactly on time. Fifteen minutes late is ideal; otherwise, your hostess might still be in the shower.

2. Bring low-maintenance flowers but not chrysanthemums (associated with funerals) or anything yellow (which suggests the hostess's husband is unfaithful). Sweets are a safe bet, but NEVER bring wine, which would imply the host's wine isn't good enough.

3. Unless the dinner is very informal, men should wear a jacket and women should wear high heels. You won't go wrong in blue or black.

4. If you use the bathroom (or the toilette), NEVER leave the door even slightly ajar when you exit.

5. Don't know when to go? Sometimes the serving of orange or grapefruit juice signals the host is ready to say good-bye.

General Eating Rules

1. Always keep both hands on the table, wrists at the edge.
2. Treat your waiter with respect, and be generous with compliments on the food.
3. You normally have to ask for water, so don't be shy.

The Greeting: Things to Know About Kissing

1. Let the woman lead. As for men, they don't generally kiss each other unless they're very close.

2. Be prepared for more than two outside Paris. In Alsace and Brittany, people kiss three times. East of Nice, it goes up to four. So get ready for more kisses. But DON'T initiate them yourself, as many French consider it déclassé to kiss more than twice.

3. Go crazy until you're 30. In adolescence kissing is ubiquitous, but after 30 it's not automatic, particularly on the first or second meeting. The older you are, the more acceptable air-kissing is—but don't make it obvious.

4. It's not going out of style. Don't assume Americanization has made the custom obsolete—in fact, it's increasingly common. Robin Massée, who has worked in the French embassy in the United States for ten years, says, "The minute you meet French people, you're kissing."

Expert Opinion: Do's and don'ts from Polly Platt, a consultant on French etiquette

DO

• Use the five magic words. When asking a stranger something, always begin with "Excusez-moi de vous déranger."
• Be a gracious customer. In a store, immediately greet the proprietor with "Bonjour, Monsieur/Madame." If possible, make small talk; if there's a problem with your service, explain your situation apologetically. Failing to do so results in the kind of service-sector misunderstandings that lead Americans to believe the French are rude.
• Be chivalrous. Open doors for women, enter a restaurant first (to "pave the way"), and compliment colleagues on their dress. If you're a woman, try not to be put off. "It does make some women uncomfortable," says Platt. "But French women can take care of themselves."
• In meetings, shake hands with everyone. Think of it as the business-meeting equivalent of kissing hello. "If you have a meeting with fifteen people, you will certainly shake hands with all of them," says Platt. In some offices, co-workers shake hands with one another every morning.
• Dress up. French women often wear makeup even for a trip to the grocery store. Tank tops are probably a no-no, and you should wear T-shirts and shorts sparingly. Even on hot summer days, you'll never see businessmen in seersucker. "All tourists should definitely pack a jacket," says Platt. For women, heels and dresses are de rigueur in the evening.