Communication

PART I: What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About China

China isn't exactly an open society, but it's more open than you'd think. Political opinion, though tempered, is often clearly expressed when government officials aren't around. If anything, such subjects are frequently met not with fear but with indifference. "Only people in government are concerned with politics," says Gu. "Who cares who the president is? Who cares who the chairman is? It doesn't matter. The average person feels that life is getting better, and they're happy." There are two general areas, however, where you should tread very lightly: issues involving national integrity and matters of potentially painful history. But even there, it's a sliding scale.

TABOO TOPICS, IN ORDER OF DECREASING SENSITIVITY

1. Sino-Japanese relations—never compare China and Japan.
2. Taiwan.
3. Tibet.
4. The Falun Gong—and religious and human rights in general.
5. Tiananmen Square—though knowledge and criticism of the event varies widely depending on proximity to Beijing.
6. Anything disparaging about Chinese cleanliness or manners.
7. The Cultural Revolution—or what their family went through during this or any of Mao's disastrous campaigns. "You just never know where the minefields are," says Klein. Even the Boxer Rebellion can be a tricky subject.
8. The question "How many children do you have?" There's still a one-child policy—no need to draw attention to it when you're engaging in small talk about your families.

PART II: How to Approach Sensitive Topics

Anything aside from these topics—and even some of these, if you're really getting to know someone—is fair game. But there's a definite art to expressing your curiosity. "Political opinions are not generally given," says Hessler, who had to solicit them often in reporting his two books, River Town and Oracle Bones. He remembers asking a woman in front of the environmentally devastating Three Gorges Dam what she thought of it. She said it was fantastic. "Then I asked, 'What do other people think of the dam?' She said, 'Other people are upset by this; they think that the landscape has been ruined.'" The "other people" gambit is equally handy in expressing your own opinions concerning China, about which its citizens are especially sensitive. Start off by professing your own neutrality—or better yet, ignorance. Emphasize how little information you have on the subject. "National pride is a sensitive issue," says Gu.

WHAT TO TALK ABOUT INSTEAD

Education: "People are very proud, and they take education super-super-seriously" says Klein. The first thing they'll say about their children is where they're studying; the first serious favor they'd ask from a Westerner would be helping them study abroad. "One of the first questions out of anyone's mouth is 'Where did you study?' because they're just dying to hear you say that you went to Harvard or Yale," says Klein. Even if you didn't, they'll want to hear about whatever education you've had—particularly in the provinces, where a bachelor's degree is no mean feat.