It's hot out. Over two hours later we approach what looks like an abandoned theme park; there are huge round towers on stilts connected by wooden catwalks that snake in and out of the jungle. (I find out later that there are actually five miles of these raised walkways.)

Someone is beating a drum. A girl in a bikini places a necklace of wooden beads on all of the new arrivals as we walk up the steps from the dock. "Smiles, everyone! Smiles!" I hear in my head, thinking of Ricardo Montalban. I go to reception, where the walls are lined with plaques of celebrity guests (Bill Gates, Schwarzenegger, the band Scorpions) and am assigned a room in Tower 1, about a ten-minute trek on a catwalk. On my way I go through other towers and pass huge (bad) sculptures reminiscent of a miniature golf course: Snake, Indian, Dolphin, Parrot. Everything is made of wood except for some of the roofing, which is either thatch or hammered metal. This place is supercool.

Jungle-gymmy towers.

My room overlooks the river and the pool, and unexpectedly I have AC, a fridge, a private bath, and a balcony. Right on. I've had no time to get supplies so I am at the mercy of the hotel's prices, which are not that bad, actually. I also find out that all meals are included, which is a nice surprise. Five tours are also part of the deal, and the first one starts this afternoon, so I shower and relax a bit before heading to lunch. I walk around to find that the Ariau has a couple of bars, a few shops, an Internet cafe, two restaurants, a gym, a game room, a helicopter pad, and the relatively new Aquarium Disco. All of these are on stilts, folks, above water filled with caimans and piranhas, in the middle of the jungle. This is what cities would be like if designed by kids. Again, I love it here, and this is after only two hours.

I play with a few wooly,squirrel, and capuchin monkeys that sort of infest the place before I head to lunch to meet my guide, the recently-shot-by-his-friend-in-a-Cheneyesque-hunting-mishap Romero, who is doing fine now. He explains the excursions as we eat pretty tasty food from the buffet. Romero is cool and a great guide, as I will find out over the next few days.

Monkeying around.

We set out in a canoe down the Rio Ariau, driven by Amadeo, who would be the winner of the Charles Bronson Look-Alike Contest hands-down if there were such an event held around here . . . or anywhere. We see some ruined mansions of the old rubber barons, who made a fortune from the world demand for latex, extracted from trees here. Then we stop and visit the family of Selena and Xel, who are caboclos, people of mixed indigenous and European descent who live in the Brazilian Amazon. They have 12 children, but find the time to show us how to grind manioc and make bread from it. Romero explains their pharmacy of jungle plants and trees, and they treat us to one of the best juices I have ever had, made from the cupuacu fruit, a relative of cacao. They have a small handicrafts display in their little house, and I purchase a very strange doll to defend myself against Evil, which would be no match for this weird thing.

A new kind of rustic cooking chez Selena and Xel.

Later we stop by the riverside shack of a very drunk man wielding a boa snake, and I get to hold it for a bit. After I hand it back to the guy, the serpent promptly bites him on the hand, and as blood flows everywhere, Romero announces that it is probably a good time to go.

Back at the Ariau I have a great dinner on the third tier of one of the towers. The buffet has nice choices, and always features four different homemade hot pepper sauces, which is something I really appreciate. Reading while enjoying caipirinhas and playing with monkeys rounds out the night. Can I live here?