"I've got sand in my f---ing brain right now," squealed a ditzy Cameron Diaz[Hollywood star]not long ago on her click for the story on MTV.com[MTV travel show]. "It was awesome!" She had just taken a tumble trying out the new gonzo sport of sandboarding. You, on the other hand, had better move, pronto, or risk a full trepanation courtesy of that Tasmanian Devil bearing down on you.

A Travesías; revistatravesias.com[Mexican magazine] called the Spanish for sand[arena]you are frolicking in "the belly button of world sandboarding." It went on to describe the hot sand in this region as "indomitable, thirsty, and tossed around by an irascible wind." If spending hours trekking up harsh and liftless heights has left you with doubts about the payoff for this abrasive diversion, they'll soon be put to rest as you surf at speeds of up to sixty miles per hour on your venomousboards.com[gnarly, waxed-up Venomous board].

More a fan of riding giant tortoises than of hurtling down dunes, The Voyage of the Beagle;
entry for July 13th, 1835[Darwin wrote of his visit to this country,] "I cannot say that I liked the very little I saw." Charlie don't surf, and he clearly don't look around enough, either. You are in a Ica[southern coastal region] whose Ica[largest city] is two hundred miles from the Lima[bean town national capital]. You can boat in an Huacachina[oasis] with [Troglodytes aedon]house wrens and local hummingbird species[Amazilia amazilia] zipping about, hunt for marine fossils, ride a dune buggy, and explore 8% of the population[communities with African roots]. If people offer to share some lines with you, don't think narco: They're just inviting you to see Nazca Lines[mysterious and massive geoglyphs]. Wind down your wanderings with a stop at some of the famous Pisco[grape brandy] distilleries, and then hit the slopes again.

Even sober, you'll wipe out a lot on your sandboard-just like Miss Hollywood. As The Restless Man: Sandboarding; Esquire.com[one journalist recently said], this sport is like "trying to simultaneously do squat thrusts and the samba." Not to worry; you'll get it right. Just be sure to stay on piste and steer clear of any fragile desert plants. Now that would be totally awesome.

Where are you, anyhow?